Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week 13 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.
My “Secret Subject” is:
We’re half way through 2017, what are your thoughts about how this year is going compared to last year.
It was submitted by: http://Bakinginatornado.com
This is an EASY one for me this month. Most of you went through last year with me (vicariously) and I’ll never forget the support I received. If you’re new here, well, let me tell you ALL about it. The first part of last year actually went really well.
My business was going well, my family was healthy and the twins were doing great. I didn’t think that life could get much better and then it got worse. A whole lot worse. Stress is not my friend and the last 6 months left me feeling vulnerable, violated, and unable to get that feeling of security back.
My anxiety tendencies reared their ugly heads which just made an already excruciating situation even worse. I started experiencing stomach pain. It became too much to ignore and after visiting the doctor I had my gall bladder removed. I healed up, but the pain was still there and getting worse every day and as that wasn’t bad enough…
On Father’s Day, we got a phone call from the man we had been leasing from and he let us know that he was going to put the house up for sale. We had been living there for several years. We were shocked, to say the least, but wasn’t worried because we had plenty of time he had only decided that weekend.
That was our first mistake. The house sold in I think something like 6 days! It was a beautiful home and we loved it very much. We live in SC, but we’re originally from KY. We came here for my husband’s job, but really don’t think we’ll stay once he retires so buying wasn’t something that we really wanted to do. We were to the point of considering any option though.
The closing was 30 days out and we couldn’t find anything that was comparable to what we had and we were dealing with the stress that comes with moving someone who has Alzheimer’s Disease. We couldn’t find anything big enough and when we did people were falling all over themselves to get it.
A week before we were supposed to be moved a friend of my husbands knew a guy who knew a guy who had a house that was a good fit for our family (three people and all of mom’s many, many possessions), but there was a catch it was going to be put up for sale, but not for a while we were told.
Two weeks later the for sale sign was up in my front yard and once again strangers were crawling all over my house judging everything from my interior design skills to what kind of clothes I had on. I don’t drive and since my husband worked long hours they could only come during the day when momma & I were home alone.
At this point, it is Sept/Oct and the house is still up for sale and my stomach pain had become a constant hammer beating me ruthlessly day in and day out. That’s when a huge mass was discovered in my uterus and a hysterectomy was scheduled for Nov. 18th.
The evening my surgery was scheduled we got a call from the realtor that someone had signed a contract on the house. It was going to be another “quick-sale” so we had to find a place quickly. This is when I lost my shit. I was at rock bottom and I couldn’t take anything more. I cried like a two-year-old who had been woken from a nap much too soon.
My husband held me while I fell apart which is something I don’t normally do, but this phone call was literally the one that broke the camels back. I had a major surgery coming up in two weeks and I had to find a house and get moved AGAIN!
Think about that for a second… moving a complete three bedroom two times in three months WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS ALZHEIMER’S & MY ONLY HELPER COMES WITH TWO-YEAR-OLD TWINS! Oh, and I don’t drink alcohol!
In all of my married life, I have been the “Controller” of the family finances, plans, bills, parenting, caregiving…name a million other things. My husband is a do-er, but definitely not a controller. He works hard but has never wanted to advance in a supervisory role, that’s just not him. He just wants to put in his time, retire, and travel. He’ll “do” whatever I need or want him to do, he just needs to be directed and since I need to direct = perfect marriage) It’s just the way we are and it has worked very well until now (okay, maybe not always so well).
It was in that moment that my husband suddenly became bigger in my eyes. He’s always been a special kind of person. He stayed in the hospital with me for almost 6 weeks EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. He never left my side and literally nursed me back to life. If you haven’t read those stories you should head over to The Diary of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver.com.
Anyway, back to the story, he said, “I am going to take care of everything. You have one job to get better again and that’s all I need you to do. I had my doubts. How was he going to find us a house when he didn’t have a clue about those kinds of things because we’ve been married since we were kids and I’ve always taken care of everything.
Two days later he came home from work and said he had a house we had to go look at. It hadn’t been officially put up for rent. Another friend who knew a guy type thing. I was weary about the whole thing and even put off looking at it for a couple of days because I thought it was a waste of time, but I went…
That day I walked into my dream house, but I had already given up on dreams. Nighttime was for anxiety attacks and vomiting binges. The house was gorgeous, the neighborhood was perfect and the very best part is that the man who owns it will be working out of the country for the next ten years, but he wants to keep it for the income. I have this house for at least 5 years and more if I want it.
My hysterectomy was on Nov 18th and we were scheduled to move on Nov 19th. That, my friend, is a whole other story, but I had my surgery and came away cancer free and that was the best news we could have had.
Today, that terrifying feeling of being left homeless with my 81-year-old mother by my side has almost gone away…almost. We have never lived anywhere our whole life where the decision to move wasn’t made by us and to have that choice taken away was a huge eye opener.
All of my life I lived paycheck to paycheck barely making it stretch to feed a family known to pick up strays along the way. We always made it through with hard work, love, and a whole lot of luck(my husband was born on St. Patrick’s Day after all).
At this stage in our life, it wasn’t anything to do with finances and completely to do with availability and quality. The housing bubble busted and drowned out the renting population. Now there are fewer places and lower quality options that require three times as much. I just can’t bring myself to plop down a shit ton of money for something that I’ve never wanted. Been there done that!
Here are links to all my friends featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:
Baking In A Tornado http://www.BakingInATornado.com
Cognitive Script https://cognitivescript.blogspot.com/
The Lieber Family Blog http://thelieberfamily.com
The Bergham Chronicles http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com
Simply Shannon http://shannonbutler.org
Southern Belle Charm http://www.southernbellecharm.com
Never Ever Give Up Hope http://batteredhope.blogspot.com
The Angrivated Mom http://www.angrivatedmom.wordpress.com/
Not That Sarah Michelle http://notthatsarahmichelle.blogspot.com
Bookworm in the Kitchen http://www.bookwormkitchen.com/
Part-time Working Hockey Mom http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/
#wordpress is my wine